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1450 pages left.

Finished Act II.1 and 2.

I haven't mentioned here about work lately (been doing it mostly on Facebook since I can do it in shortish status updates). It still makes me incredibly angry, but I'll try to keep it coherent.

I'm on midnights again as of this past Sunday. We had layoffs at the end of October that affected our department with four people being laid off, and four people exercising their seniority and bumping in from other departments. The bumping happened to bump out three people from full-time dispatch spots which were then posted internally to get filled. Nobody was interested, so the bottom three seniority full-timers were forced into the spots. I'm now fourth from the bottom of the full-timers, so it shouldn't have affected me. BUT. There's a guy who's got a medical note saying he can only work afternoons (how does this keep getting approved when we're a 24/7 operation? Your guess is as good as mine), and as it is now (after almost five years) a permanent accommodation, he gets out of being forced into the position. Which means they skip over him and move to the next-lowest full-timer. Who would be me. Now, we're having a shift pick at the beginning of December and I know I'll end up back on midnights because the new people who bumped in all have great seniority and will probably not stay on midnights where they were put when they came into the department. I'm fine with that.

What I'm not fine with is the fact that I was forced into this position by our department manager. There was no reason she couldn't have left it unfilled until the shift pick a month from now. Positions have stayed unfilled for longer. There are part-time dispatchers (the three who lost their full-time status, as a matter of fact) who could have been scheduled for the shifts until January when the new shifts take effect. But no. It had to be filled Right Now. I've been in Security for nine and a half years, and have never had a desire to be in Dispatch. The level of responsibility and extra knowledge that the job requires has never appealed to me. But now I'm learning my new job, and I hate it.

It's not just because there's so much to learn and it's overwhelming, although that plays a part. I don't want to be the one in charge of notifying Surveillance and Supervisors and Casino Shift Managers when there's a medical, or a power failure, or a duress alarm, or whatever. I don't want to be fielding phone calls for money escorts, and trying to enter that information into the computer while simultaneously dispatching an officer to do the escort while paying attention to the alarm computer or the what-all else.

But I have no choice. No doubt my complete lack of interest in the duties is affecting my motivation for learning said duties, too. I'm never going to have the thought, "oh wow. Look at all the cool stuff I'm learning! I love doing x - I can't wait to do more x!" Every waking moment since Sunday has involved some variation on, "Crap. I have to go to work tonight/in two days/tomorrow. I gotta do all that stuff again. I'm stuck there for at least two months. Crap."

For the first time since I started there in 2000, I actually dread going to work. Not just the usual "I don't want to go to work because I'd rather do what I want", but "I don't want to do it. Make it stop. Let me out of it!"

Dispatch is not for everybody. Some people thrive on it. I'm not one of those people. But I'm terrified that when it's my turn to pick my shift, all that will be left is Dispatch and I'll be trapped up there forever.

I think I'm in way over my head, and there's not a damned thing I can do about it.

• 12:39 I'm helping set up for SH's movie night & silent auction. Lots of cool items! #

I am about to get ready for my reading tonight. I had a great afternoon reading my Ross Macdonald, working out problems and solving them in the new book, and planning out my weekend when I get home. Lots to do, but as long as I am on the road by seven-ish tomorrow morning, I am betting I can get every last one of those things done this weekend.

I also did not have lunch at Noodle today; I am going there for dinner on my walk to the store. I did take lots of pictures as I walked around today; some will go here, some will go on Facebook. (And yes, dogrl, I have bathroom pictures for la Puterbaugh...hmmm, that sounds a lot nastier than it should). I think all of my tour pictures will go on Facebook in a "PAM Tour" folder, methinks.

It's also interesting that reading Ross Macdonald (and John D., same last name) have been so incredibly helpful in writing this Scotty book--since the Macdonalds are much more influential on the Chanse books. I think it just goes to show--if you're writing, you should also be reading really good writers at the same time. It's certainly proving helpful to me.

I also bought a really cool tank top at Outwrite today (to go along with the Glee soundtrack CD--get off my back, Gleeks!--and the new Sarah Schulman novel and Eddie Sarfaty's Mental, and I also decided to go ahead and get New Moon; la Becks has inadvertently convinced me to give that series another try. Of course, Tyler Lautner's hotness has NOTHING to do with it. Sign me up for Team Jacob. Edward's a pale-skinned dork.)

Okay, time to hop in the shower.

OH! Some local brewery is sponsoring my signing, and donated a keg of beer.

They should have done that for Every Frat Boy Wants It. Just sayin'.

Be curious to see if free beer brings out more peeps.

Edit Oh, Philip wants me to read from Rough Trade, since it's on their bestseller list. Sigh. Reaffirmation is so nice, if rare.

We've made some additions and improvements to Notes!

The Notes feature has been added to two action-taking pages:

• You can now add a Note directly on the Add a friend page - handy if you'd like to mark down where you met them or another name you know them by!
• On the Ban and unban users page (under Account -> Privacy) you can now add a Note, including to a group of users all banned at the same time (so that next year you won't need to ask yourself "hey, why did I ban these guys?")

• When you're viewing your existing Notes they're grayed out; click in a field to activate it to change the text (this page can be found from the header by using Profile -> Manage Notes)
• Changes to editing:
  • When you're going to create a new Note but one already exists, you'll get a warning that you're editing an existing Note
  • You can now delete a note from the "Edit note" pop-up in the hover menu
  • You can now delete notes for multiple selected users on the Manage notes page
  • When you change Notes on "Ban|unban users" page, they can be edited and saved with "Save Changes" button

I have successfully eliminated all SSRIs and SNRIs from my life, thanks to ABILIFY.

Thank you, Abilify. Do you know what this means, Abilify, to get that stuff away from my body?

It means a normal libido again. And normal sleep patterns again. Without daily panic attacks. Yes, I said daily, LJ.... they were happening every goddamned day!

A body cannot take that much stress and such violent physical symptoms without shattering, LJ.

It would not have been possible without ABILIFY.

Bless the medical researchers for this, and their service to humanity. There IS NO UNIVERSAL CURE for any of these disorders. Meds are always trial and error, until an individualized solution can be achieved. But they are closing in on many cures. Usually a combination of meds works better than any one med alone, with these particular disorders.

For blood pressure? I take one pill and it's fine (Altace). For chronic heartburn? One pill and it's fine (Pepcid). For Depression with overlying Panic Disorder? NO. There is no one-pill solution for that.

Effexor worked extremely well at warding off the panic attacks and depression simultaneously. It did exactly what it was supposed to do. HOWEVER, the side effects of weight gain and dead libido were intolerable for the long term.

Effexor did stabilize the most serious symptoms, as did Lexapro. They are not "bad" meds. They simply didn't work out for me, for long-term maintenance.

Current med cocktail that is working pretty well, with staggered dosages:

Abilify -- AM (5mg), PM (5mg) -- depression with panic attacks
*Wellbutrin -- AM (150 mg), PM (150 mg) -- split into four doses -- depression with panic attacks
Provigil -- AM (100 mg), PM (100 mg) -- excessive daytime sleepiness
*Altace -- AM (10 mg) -- high blood pressure
*Zyrtec -- AM (10 mg) -- general allergies
*Sudafed -- 30 mg/4hrs or as needed -- general allergies
*Pepcid AC -- 10 mg/12hrs or as needed -- heartburn from panic disorder

* = using the generic

I started splitting the total doses (with DR's okay) because the whole dose at once was too harsh for my system, tended to trigger panic attack symptoms. What a delicate balancing act this can be..... just to get to something resembling NORMAL. This is not to reach some hyped-up state of existence, LJ -- ONLY to get CLOSE TO what most of you take for granted as a normal day.

When you have chronic illnesses, you don't GET the luxury of normal days. D'you see now?

-PQ-

P.S. -- In other news, Dallas is still hot. ;D

Today is Craig Parker’s birthday, and as a birthday celebration at craiguncensored, the lovely anorienparker gave out some prompts for writing birthday stories. My prompt was “Wrapping Paper” ~ ~
( Read more... )

( You are about to view content that may only be appropriate for adults. )

Okay, there's a Starbucks a block from the building I am staying in. Granted, what were the odds, right? But now I have two ginormous cups of coffee with half and half, sweet 'n' low, and vanilla flavoring, and all is right with the world. It's also a bit chillier outside than I would have thought, given the sunshine, but it is Atlanta, after all--a city I haven't forgiven for snowing that one time I was here--so I am now back in my sweet suite, drinking coffee, and listening to the iPod. Once I finish posting this, I am going to grab my Ross MacDonald, read for a bit, then shower and head over to the Noodle Shop for lunch, camera in hand so I can take pictures. Midtown Atlanta is quite lovely, actually, and that always makes me happy. We New Orleanians often look down our noses at Atlanta (there was no Atlanta, after all, until 1845. Oh, so nouveau!) but I must admit I kind of like Atlanta. I've always had a nice time whenever I come here, Philip and the Outwrite staff are always so kind to me, and I always somehow sell some books whenever I am here, despite the Atlanta gay community's supposed aversion to reading.

OH! While I am thinking about it, does anyone know how to fix things so that every time I post something on here it automatically shows up on my Facebook page? I actually managed to do this, but it sent it to the Cage Thunder page, which I don't want, and of course I have no frigging clue how to fix it. I know it has something to do with the RSS feed.

I am still planning on getting up at six-ish tomorrow to head home. Knowing I can hit the Starbucks drive-thru on my way to Highway 85 was a huge help. If I am on the road around seven, I can roll into New Orleans around 2 tomorrow, which gives me time to go to the post office, the grocery, and perhaps even the gym as well as time to write. Huzzah!

We started watching Wire in the Blood, a BBC series based on the Tony Hill/Carol Jordan mysteries by the incomparable Val McDermid the night before I left, and I highly recommend it to any and everyone. (We also got a kick of seeing Val herself doing a Hitchcockian cameo in the first episode in a crowd of journalists shouting questions at Carol Jordan. I was like, "Hey, that's VAL!" and it pleased us both immeasurably.) On that subject, I cancelled my Blockbuster account, and am now going to have to sign up for a second Netflix account (and by the way, Glee fans, the show is being released on DVD in December; I have it on my queue and got the notice yesterday--one of the must haves I saw at Outwrite was the soundtrack CD) so that we have a constant flow of DVD's into and out of the house; which is why I signed up for the stupid Blockbuster account in the first place. However, Blockbuster's queue system is fucking stupid; they sent me Disc One Season One of Lost, but since Disc 2 was unavailable at the moment, they sent me Disc One Season Two. Completely useless. I wrote them an email, and their response was so condescending and stupid, as is there queue system, that I cancelled in a huff.

And to you, Blockbuster.com, I say, Fuck you. No, I said fuck you, and I meant it. You don't deserve my $20.79 per month.

I am rather unforgiving, am I not?

I can't believe PAM will be over tonight. It seems like I've been touring forever. But I am really really excited about Scotty Lives! (although I will change my mind once it's time for it) as I am planning to go to (in addition to my usual Garden District Books, Saints and Sinners, Atlanta and Houston) Nashville, Indianapolis, Ann Arbor, Provincetown, and Boston. I may even do Philadelphia. Of course, now I have to figure out how to pay for it all. (And yes, that unnamed store in Washington is still black-listed.) But it's almost royalty season, and bunches of proposals are going out around the first of December (once la Scotty is finis), so hopefully that will all work itself out.

I think I know what I am getting Paul for Christmas. I just hope I can afford it.

I got into Atlanta and arrived at the store at a few minutes past seven thirty. Eddie Sarfaty had drawn a nice sized crowd, and as he read from his book Mental (the piece he read was about the trials and travails experienced when he got his new cat, which I could certainly relate to) while I browsed around the store. I saw some things that are definitely Greg-must-haves, and as such, I will probably head down there early tonight for my eight pm signing in order to do my shopping.

The guest suite in Philip's building is really nice, even if it doesn't have a coffee maker. I took a pill last night, as I was determined to sleep deeply and well, and I do feel well rested this morning. I am going to have to go in search of coffee very soon, and there's a CVS across the street which will take care of my Coke needs as well.

I do need to work on the book some today as well, so I think after I go in search of coffee, I'll probably curl up in this incredibly comfy bed and read while I drink my coffee, Once the coffee (I always buy two cups--no fool, Gregalicious) is finished, I'll get up, shave and shower, and try to write write write.

I am also going to have dinner at the Noodle Shop just down the street. As we know, I love me some noodles, and that's where I ate the time I was here when it snowed. LOVED it.

I am also going to take my camera with me when I go in search of coffee. This neighborhood is actually quite lovely. (I've already taken pics of my room. I must really post all those pics from here, San Francisco, and Indianapolis at some point.)

Okay, off to forage.

Today's horse is called "A Horse Divided," a play on Abe Lincoln's quote, "A house divided against itself cannot stand."  I can hear you wondering, "Is it Hatfields vs. McCoys?  Union vs. Rebels?  Jim Beam vs. Makers Mark?"
( Wonder no more... )

A Horse Divided sits on 4th Street, in the heart of downtown near the Kentucky International Convention Center, which you can see behind the horse in the first pic.  Behind the horse in the 2nd pic -- hold on to your hat, Mark -- is the base of the Penis Building.

Lamebook reposts funny excerpts/screenshots people send in from Assbook, thereby selling out their friends and family who have given them their trust by friending them! However, their betrayal is our gain.

Check out this representative post!

Also: Bad stepson or bad stepmom?

This made me laugh until I started coughing: "I'm a werewolf. Lock me up."

My very first Veteran's Day as a genuine veteran occurred back in 1969! Yes, Virginia, that was 40-years ago! That's when I received my official discharge papers from the regular army and the army reserve.

I had served my country for two-years stationed in a desolate, god-forsaken foreign land known as Kansas five-years earlier.

( See photo proof )

FLASH FORWARD TO 2009 - Anyway, Mr. Bill who actually served in Vietnam and I decided to celebrate our veteran status by taking part in Applebee's Free Lunch For Veteran's Program. It was a pretty good burger, and we left our waitress a tip comparable to what two burgers would have cost.

After that we fought our way across the parking lot to Sam's Club where I was able to restock my larder with cod fillets packed in the U.S. and Genoa salami and cheese.
I also saw this must item for Miz Becky and the Project Runway crew ... ... just look at all the neat stuff ... fabrics, findings, and mannikins! And just only $30!

After that, I headed home to take Mlle Renee for her afternoon inspection tour of the neighborhood.

After I got home from work, I pretty much spent the rest of the day and night in bed, sleeping off a headache. Usually when I have a headache, the only way to get rid of it is through taking a nap and taking some Excederin.

1452 pages left.

Finished Act I.2 and I.3 of The Merchant of Venice.

• 12:33 Husbands come and go but Chanel slingbacks are for life. #